And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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