Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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