did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
