You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
