I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
