Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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