1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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