I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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