It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
