I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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