And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
