if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
