look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
