It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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