piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize