Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
