I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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