I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
