I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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