I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think my moral compass just broke
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
