Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
