Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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