i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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