There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
