when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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