We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
