i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
