You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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