It's like God shit irony all over that family
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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