Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
