I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
