if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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