Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
