living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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