Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
