Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
