You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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