I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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