A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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