Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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