pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize