Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
