Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What drink are we having for lunch?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
