Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
