I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
