They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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