Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
