We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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