I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
