i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize