Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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