I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
