Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize