See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
