yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
