my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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