You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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