Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
